The Proboscis
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
  Coach Bull Winston here. This newspaper business can't be that hard considering tyhe people you see in it. Why some of the reporters who show up at our games can barely spell football much less know anythin=g about it and as far as knowing anyting about anything else, well you just think about it.

I stand accused of nefariously stealing the electrons of this rag and I don't even knwo what nefariously means but I assure you I didn't do it. If I was to go looking for an electron stealer, I'd dtart over in the engineering school =not uin the athletic department. I don't think we even have a single player who knows what an electron is except for maybe Joey and he done gone and lost his mind and is studying and I can't get him to do anything.

Anyway, I'm sure you have already noticed that the qualkity of thsi rag ahs gone up alot since I took over a few minutes ago.

If'n we had had a few less distractions and could have won a few more games, I would be off at a bowl game and not here to do this so I guess y'all can be thankful for a less than good season for the Fighting Weevils.

Leroy Fuddpucker will not be making any announcements or doing any commercials while I publish this paper so if you want ot fgo to Mentone with him, then you had best look him up down at his store on Fuddpucker Sqaure.

What do you mean I need an editor? I'm the head-doggone-coach and I think I can write a few paragraphs without some preissy editor helping. 
Monday, December 15, 2003
  The Proboscis has been about shut down for a few weeks now as our devoted readers know. Leroy Fuddpucker says he has read the Chapel services announcement "about a hunnerd times" expecting something different each time.

We have been beset by final exams and the lawsuit from Coach "Bull" Winston and his nefarious electron stealing shenanigans and just haven't had time to keep up. Terry Oglesby, our intrepid Sportswriter, has been laid up with the "dires" because his beloved Auburn's woes and hasn't felt up to attending Weevil games and doing his usual superlative reporting, and besides he has to attend all those sissy Soccer games up in Huntsville and has had no time for anything else and we expect his next excuse will involve some dire emergency involving a group of short people of which he seems to have more than his fair share.

Leroy wanted me to mention that he is getting up a ski trip up to Mentone if it ever gets cold enough for them to make the snow. He says he intends to find out when they will make the snow since he thinks it would be real interesting to see how they make it fall out of the air just where they want it on the ski slope. Anyway, Leroy says he will drive his 1947 Bluebird School bus and all you have to do is chip in for gas and oil and pay your own lift tickets whatever that is. Leroy is not in to skiing, he just wants to see them make the snow.



 
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