The Proboscis
Friday, October 17, 2003
  In a surprise announcement, Joey Smattersberg, the Weevil's 405 lb defensive lineman said that he has decided to forego the stomach stapling surgery and wait to get one of the new-fangled stomach "pacemakers". Joey says that way of he doesn't like being skinny, he can get big again. Coach Bull Winston said he was happy to hear that Joey had come to his senses. "I'm happy he has come to his senses".

Joey says he has lost about five pounds through exercise and a proper diet and feels like he has picked up some speed and expects to be more effective for the rest of the Weevil's season. Coach Winston said he is rewarding Joey's hard work with a 32 ounce steak with all the trimmings. 
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