The Proboscis
Monday, September 29, 2003
  Weekend Sports Wrap Up

Saturday dawned bright and breezy, and after taking the traditional Weevil Walk along the Square, The Weevil State University Fightin' Weevils entered under the sacred dome of Weevil Field to take on the highly-touted Monks of Minot [North Dakota] Jesuit Seminary.

The game turned out to be one of marked contrasts—according to Head Coach Bull Winston, “They done some strange stuff and we tried not to.” Some of these mysterious things included the use of a no-huddle offense and exclusive use of the shotgun formation. Monks head coach Fr. Pat Slagging noted that this was done as a way to combat the string of delay of game penalties the team has suffered in past seasons from spending too much time huddled together and at the line of scrimmage, waiting for the snap.

Alas, even with a scheme of placing their quarterback well away from center, the MJS team still seemed to not be able to get it together, and went down to a hard loss of 6-3.

Fulfilling his promise of opening up the offensive game by passing, Offensive Coordinator Red Winston had quarterback D’Wontavius Jackson throw the ball every play, a total of 302 attempts with a completion percentage of 1.3, totalling 40 yards of passing offense for the Weevils. Although Jackson was intercepted 130 times, Minot State could only manage a total of –2 yards of runback yardage.

Despite the lack of a planned running offense, a bright spot was that there was a total of 78 rushing yards for Weevil State resulting from picking up balls which were fumbled and running with them. Coach [Red] Winston was upbeat about this strategy, although he does think some balance may be required. “Yeah, I think we might work on running the ball on purpose some more this week in practice.” Quarterback Coach Sonny Winston was also upbeat about Jackson’s performance, saying, “Even with his little small hands, I think he done real good. His arm hurts though.”

The Weevils managed to press close on to the Minot defenders throughout the game, although some players complained about the Monks’ style of play. Offensive left guard Tum Lummly, sophomore Gardening major from Andalusia, said the Monks were tough to play against. “They was all holding and all, and it seemed like they wanted you to fall on them and stuff. But they was real friendly, and they did like to pat us on the backend after a play and all. So I guess it was okay. They was real friendly.” That friendliness didn’t pay off for MJS, though, and through a series of defensive miscues the Fightin’ Weevils managed to slip close enough in the third quarter for two field goals.

Special Teams coach Rory Winston is pleased with the kicking game. "I am real pleased with the kicking game," he said. Freshman punter Czrmladc Buteriskavianiesta, former quoit champion from the Czech Republic, was pressed into service as a place kicker for this game, after senior kicker Buddy Winston was unable to make bail. Buteriskavianiesta managed to kick the two goals cleanly through the uprights, caroming the ball off the helmets of several players, even as he could be heard saying in broken English that he wanted to go home.

Although Buteriskavianiesta was unavailable for post-game comment, Coach [Rory] Winston says the Czech kicker is very happy, “Yeah, he’s real happy. He don’t want to go back to live in ungodly Communism.” When reminded that the Czech Republic is no longer Communist dominated, Coach Winston said he knew that, but was just making conversation.

Coach Hick Winston's defensive squad managed to hold the Monks scoreless though most of the game until the last quarter when an errant pass from the Monks quarterback was actually received well into Weevil territory, setting up a 17 yard field goal by the Jesuits. It seemed to take the whole defense by surprise, “It took us all kind of by surprise,” said Defensive Coordinator Hick Winston. “They just handled the ball real good.”

Coach [Hick] Winston had noted in pregame intervies that he would try to blitz, based upon what he had learned watching his players demonstrate their talents on the popular video game, Madden Football. “We tried it, and had good luck with it,” said Coach.

Defensive strong safety Gordon Ho’oannookolou’a, 540 pound senior majoring in Locomotive Repair from American Samoa, was excited about the defense. "I was very excited about the defense," he said. “I don’t ever get to blitz, but Coach said I could, so I did.” Ho’oannookolou’a has one assist.

Weevil State University is now 2-2 in regular season play, and remains in third place in the Great South USA American South Conference. Saturday the Fightin’ Weevils will travel to play Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts. The next Great South USA American South Conference game will be on October 11, when the Weevils are again home against Bay Minette A&M.

In other sports news, the Lady Weevils won a field hockey game. 
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