The Proboscis
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
  Informational Notice

Due to several anonymous notes placed in Professor Bear's Faculty mailbox, she will answer what appears to be a burning [well, smoldering] question. What, precisely, is ESLS?

ESLS stands for English as a Second Language for Southerners.

Most people here at the great Weevil State University speak what we, in the Languages Department, refer to, quaintly, as a mild variant patois of English. However, those not of our heritage still insist that our speech patterns, usage, and vocabulary are only remotely related to "The Queen's English", which concept is both repugnant and defamatory. Nevertheless, since our goal at WSU is to welcome all to our midst, indoctrinating them gently to our ways, ESLS is our way of accommodating them by speaking in their tongue: bilingual education, as it were.

We do hope this clears up any misunderstandings, total lack of comprehension, or other kinds of confusion.
 
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